The 3 reasons why you can’t have what you want

What do you want? No, really. What is it that you want from your life? Imagine your life – sitting next to you, asking you this exact question. Just like that. What do you want, my dear?

What would you tell her?

We all want something, and some of us seem to get what we want, and some seem to be struggling with achieving their goals. Here are the three reasons why you are not getting what you want in life.

1. You don’t know what you want

Listen, this sounds extremely basic, I know. But please bear with me. Answer this question honestly right here, right now. Do you know what exactly you want? How you would know if you are clear on your wants or not is by the goals you currently have in your life. Do you have them? Very often, people who don’t know what they want don’t have any specific goals for their life. They just go along with whatever happens to them. They are not living their life by design. They are not designing their life on purpose.

So, do you have goals? Do you know what you want? If you don’t, how can you get it? This is the first reason why you may not have what you want.


  1. I want a strong marriage. My goal is a strong marriage. (Keep reading to see what you need to do with your want/goal next.)
  2. I want to be a good mom to my daughters. My goal is to be available and patient.
  3. I want money. My goal is a profitable business.

2. You are not disciplined enough

Discipline is so underrated these days. How do I know? Just look around. Messages like “go with the flow” or “do what makes you happy” confuse people and make them believe that if they are not happy, it’s not worth doing.

Discipline doesn’t feel good. It sucks 100%! I hate it! It’s much easier to choose not to go this way but choose an easier route instead. Something that is not hard. Something easy, breezy, beautiful. Right?

No. Life is messy! Life is also beautiful, yes. But by no means it’s easy and breezy. Having the mindset that your life must be easy and breezy handicaps you. If you believe that hard things mean “stop,” – you will stop at any opportunity a difficulty arises on your path. You will not put the effort to push through and may be more prone to quitting or changing your direction too often. And what happens if we change the direction too often? We arrive at a different location altogether. We detour our life. Ok, I might be getting a bit dramatic here, but you get it, right? Discipline is what makes things happen, and it’s not always pretty. It’s like getting to the gym. (Ignore this if you love getting to the gym.) It’s the hardest part – to actually get yourself off of the cozy couch and get your butt to the gym. Once you are there, it’s easy and breezy (maybe), but not first when you need to get there.


  1. My goal of a strong marriage – I must be disciplined to prioritize it.
  2. My goal of being a better mom – I must be disciplined to practice patience.
  3. My goal of having money – I must be disciplined in how I run it.

3. You confuse yourself too easily

It’s hard to stick with something if you don’t believe it’s worth it. Worth your time, your attention and your energy. If you listen to too many voices around you instead of listening to your own small voice inside first, you will get yourself confused and thrown from one thing to another. You will lack focus, and ultimately, you will end up not knowing what you want AND not knowing what to do next. Sometimes it may feel like you are actually stuck. Glued to that cozy couch, so you can’t get up. As if something is actually physically holding you back. Have you ever felt this way? I certainly have.

So, are you confused? Get quiet, filter out the messages that are going into your brain and balance that out with what’s your brain producing by thinking your own mind. By decerning the messages that are going into your brain, by reflecting on what’s coming out of your brain and your mouth (which reveals exactly what’s on your heart).


  1. My goal of a strong marriage – I must choose it every day.
  2. My goal of being a better mom – I must know what’s best for my family.
  3. My goal of having money – I must focus on how I add value to the people I work with.

In conclusion

Having the life you want is a skill you can learn. Review your mind, and renew your mind to transform your life. Gain clarity on what you want to achieve in 2023, create a plan of how to keep yourself accountable through discipline, self-control and trust that you already know what you need to do. One step at a time.

Curious to see how to apply these principles in your life?

Contact Helen to get a free first coaching consultation if you are looking for ways to design a life you love living.

Renew your mind – transform your life.

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